“Letting it go” can be a lot harder than it should be. Here are 5 ways to help you get over that grudge.
We often hold grudges over small offenses that we know should not bother us, but does. The grudge eats you away and constantly reminds you of when someone treated you badly. Letting go will help you live a more free and carefree lifestyle.
Writer Jolie Kerr proposes that grudge-holding has benefits. She suggests that you “redefine the word ‘grudge’ as an experience to learn from.”
It’s important though that the grudge does not last too long. Your resentment can lead to a permanent rift in your relationship if you don’t let go.
After analyzing multiple studies on grudges, here are the five ways you can overcome those grudges:
1. Be the first one to seek reconciliation.
Turning the other cheek is a well-known aphorism, but it’s a method that can actually work. Perhaps someone said a rude comment and you felt offended. Asking the person for an explanation, or sharing your reaction to the comment in a noncritical manner creates positive communication.
2. Recognize your own power in the situation.
When holding the grudge, if you feel that you have less power than the other person, stop and consider how real that power differential actually is. Equalizing the power can pave the way to forgiveness.
3. Look for commonalities with the person.
Conflicts have the potential to highlight differences between people. If someone is rude to you on a line, consider that both of you share the desire to get somewhere. Rather than to demonize this person, acknowledge that you’re actually seeking the same goals.
4. Don’t let it create a life of its own.
That grudge you put in your treasure chest will only seem more valuable over time. Forgetting about what happened sooner than later will benefit you in the future.
5. Recognize when your grudge comes out of rational fear.
Use a grudge to help you learn how to avoid getting hurt. If you’re afraid of a negative outcome, don’t let the grudge eat away at you in an unabated manner. Seek help from someone who can go to the transgressor to ensure that you’ll be safe.
Source: Psychology Today